After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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