you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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