He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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