did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
either way he was missing a nipple.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
