no, he came in my armpit
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
