We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
