Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
