i permit you to call me
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
