I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
