Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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