my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
