Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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