I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
