Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
