nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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