Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
