i think my tv is drunk
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
