Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
