I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I need a beard to bite.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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