So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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