did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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