I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i out mim tonsoeep
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
