I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
