Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
