put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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