You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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