i wish starbucks made bloody marys
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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