the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
