ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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