we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
