Yo dont text me then not text me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize