i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
grandma shit on top of the toilet
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
