I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
