My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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