There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
