I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
