At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
