The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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