I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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