im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
