So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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