Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
