So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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