Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
