It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
