hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize