pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
