I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
