Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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