Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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