so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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