so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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