Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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