I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
