dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
