The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
