but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
