I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You have to summon your inner elephant
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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