4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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