you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
