do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
