I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
