Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Randomize
