Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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