you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
