everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
