Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
