My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize