you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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