She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
