at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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