Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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