yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
