bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
