so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
