How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
