Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
