jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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