He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
