god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
