Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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