i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
