speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
