i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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