Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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