i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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