u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
