I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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