My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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