I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
