Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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