you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
