I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
