When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is this like a preordered booty call?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
