My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
