dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
There's even glitter on my cock...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
