You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
