I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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