Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
