Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize