im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Found the puke drawer
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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