your room smells of hookers.
And success
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
