You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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