In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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