i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
