Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
