I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Less talking, more tequila
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
