so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
