I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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