I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
