Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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