I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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