Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
