U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
