So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
