know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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