I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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