well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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