so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize