I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
